Transformers Age of Extinction

I don't even know where to start with this horrible, porta-potty level movie. It's such an incoherent fucking mess that I truly believe Michael Bay and his crony lapdogs simply made up the movie as they filmed it. I bet the script was only a few pages and consisted of big fucking letters spelling out BOOM by some special effects wizard using Photoshop. Bay saw the script, came in his pants, and then proceeded to start filming stuff. And explosions. And the hot blonde chick. And explosions. Spinning cameras. Twirling cameras. Slow motion car wrecks. Slow motion explosions. Slow motion hot blonde chick. Slow motion flying or jumping or whatever the fuck they were doing robots. Slow motion sparks and booms and smoke and fucking whatever else these dense, incoherent, fire filled scenes shows. It's ridiculous.

My problem with Michael Bay rests solely on his Transformers movies. Let's revisit some his flicks from earliest to now.... Bad Boys was a cool movie. The Rock was fucking awesome. Armageddon, despite getting panned by the Earth's population, I loved it... as ridiculous as it may have been. Pearl Harbor was a joke. Bad Boys II was cool. I thought the Island was meh at best. Then there was Transformers. Not a shit movie by any means. Some of it was good.... except that Bay seemed to have a hidden agenda of making John Turturro look like a fucking idiot. It wasn't funny. Nor was any of the stupid fucking bullshit humor Bay put in it. His humor, coupled with a shitty script that made Phantom Menace almost look genius, terrible casting, it was a mess. Let's not forget the stupid, horribly annoying fucking characters that dragged the movie down to toilet level. There's so much human screen time these aren't even Transformers movies. Michael Bay's construction of these BS flicks are probably how it was on set with George Lucas making the Prequels. Nothing but Yes Men who never question silly nonsense and shit that doesn't make any sense, and champion any and every idea he has... knowing it's fucking stupid.

That said there's another elephant in the room: the designs of the Transformers. Every single robot is indistinguishable from who he's supposed to be and the designs have gotten worse with every movie. Bay keeps giving more and more complex designs and transformations that it's obnoxious. It gives me a fucking headache. And the sound effects of the Transformers transforming?? Fucking dumb. There isn't one design in any of Bay's Transformers movies that I think is even partly cool. They're all fucking stupid. Trash. Shit. Piss.

All of the Michael Bay lovers or fans of these films in general say the dumbest shit. I've witnessed in person and seen on message boards and/or Facebook pages the mountain of people defending this flick (all four of them really) and it bothers me. 

"Who cares about story? What do you expect? They're movies based on toys, it's not the Godfather!"

When I see people say "who cares about the story", we see the state of decay we are in. GTFO.

Here's another bullshit stance; "You're supposed to turn your brain off and eat popcorn".

Hey, I'm totally find with this but when you turn off your brain and the movie is still is an incoherent fucking mess, there's a problem.

"They sucked so bad they only grossed over a zillion dollars at the box office".

Yeah... so did Twilight. The Last Airbender. Avatar. Spider-Man 3. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Every Adam Sandler movie. Iron Man 3. X-Men The Last Stand. etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc...

"I just want to see big robots beating each other up and shit exploding"

So do I but not only is it difficult to tell which robot is beating up who, the action scenes are so dense with shit and explosions and slow motion and spinning cameras that it's just a dizzying spectacle that's completely impossible to follow.

"Movie was fucking awesome!"

When you hear someone say this about any of Bay's Transformers movies.... these are the people that ruin everything in every category of life.

I'm not telling people they shouldn't like these movies. I don't care to be honest but your credibility immediately comes into question. No. Actually you lose it. Just like that. The people who think these movies are so great and fun and amazing are the people you don't bother being around during a zombie outbreak. Let them die. Use them as bait. I don't trust your judgement if you like these movies so your judgement during a zombie apocalypse would be nil.